I fell in love with you the moment I laid my eyes on you. Your perfect keyboard helped this large-thumbed woman create perfectly spelled texts every time. You and I knew each other so well, I didn’t have to think which punctuations or emoticons to use. We’ve been through a lot together. We made travel arrangements, sent messages to family and friends, read news (and gossips) from across the globe.
That’s why what I’m about to say is very difficult.
I’m breaking up with you.
I know there’s no easy way to say it but you’re all business and I wanted to cut the chase. You seem to be powering down a bit… no, a lot, lately. My daily routine of rebooting you has caused my entire phonebook to go kaput. It was fine, I just had to update all my contacts manually. I’m a very patient woman. But must you make me do this everyday? I didn’t give up on you but I gave up updating my phonebook and handle the embarrassment of sending out a “who you?” message.
When you asked me to upgrade my Facebook to version tra.la.la, I said yes. But you conked out again and made the whole app disappear. You know very well that Facebook, together with Twitter and Instagram, are my connections to the “outside world”. I need them to stalk, uhm, to keep up with everyone. You didn’t have Instagram but I remained devoted to you.
And because of my fondness on your alarm features, I let you sleep on my bedside so you’d be the first one I would see when I wake up. Why did you choose to stop working and sleep like a log on the morning that Little Boy had a performance in school?! Had we not made it on time, I wouldn’t have forgiven you.
Out of respect for you, I’m telling you that you’re being replaced by the iPhone. Dear Hubby gave it as a present to me on Mother’s Day, who says no to that? I’ve flirted with the iPhone on my mind but you know that I’m a Blackberry in a world of iPhones. Please believe me when I say, “It’s not you, it’s ME.”
I’ll terribly miss you even when others made fun of you. You know I hate those fingerprints on my screen! This new guy is pretty intimidating, I hope it will be just as patient with me as you were when I was just learning which buttons to press.
I hope we can still be friends. I’m putting you in a safe box and shall bring with me anywhere a new sim card would be required and we’ll still reconnect. Thank you for your years of service and dedication, I will always treasure our time together buddy.